All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just pee around me
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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