I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Randomize
