Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
