I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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