i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
