I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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