According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize