no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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