The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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