I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
