it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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