Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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