I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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