He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
