i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Im part way to drunk.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
