OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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