so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You may now shotgun with the bride
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize