i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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