Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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