ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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