my mouth tastes like poor choices
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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