seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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