The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
