So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize