I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
