i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i think im in europe. pls send help
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
