Well douche your snatch and let's go!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
