My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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