you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
