Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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