member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize