I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
