Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
