There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
