just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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