I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
this is an emotional support booty call
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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