By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
