She's JV to your varsity
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
