So drunk its hurt
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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