So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
