She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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