...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Randomize
