what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Come on in and take your pants off
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