Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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