thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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