Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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