I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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