A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
