...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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