ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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