Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
