you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
