No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
