You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
