did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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