Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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