Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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