ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
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