So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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