it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
