Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
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