I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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