the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
