well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
