Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
