Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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