I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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