so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
