this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
