Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I could fuck to npr.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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