i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
