Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize